Blustery Day

It's a blustery day. I think of all of the times that I saw the cartoon "Pooh Bear and the Blustery Day" as a kid. Regardless of the weather, I am still looking for my jar of honey. I laugh. (Apparently to massage my internal organs.)

So what is on my mind today? Patience. I think. Knowing what I want and not knowing how to do it. Here is my crux: I don't know how to move forward. There is all this buzz about getting clear with your desire and then leaving the rest to the Universe. But what do I do while the Universe is working on it? Be patient? Hover? Pull my hair out? Meditate? I exhale. Now what?

(This while the money thing is really in my face, which is great. No doubt very rich material.)

A wonderful community leader gave me a lunch hour worth of his time yesterday, which was a gift. In our hour over hot food, he asked me some really provoking questions. I was able to refocus on big picture, little picture, and peripheral pictures. What am I good at? What am I passionate about? What does my community need? Where can I be most effective? What is it best for me not to do? I'm still chewing on all of that. But is became clear to me that, well, I am going to need some angels. That is what he called the people who help fund your vision and make it real. I feel so sure about my personal dedication to healing work and so congruent when I do it, especially the energy and vibrational medicine work that I am learning and doing now. I also feel very clear that healing is a human right and needs to be available to all people, especially those that don't currently have access to care at all or alternatives to the medical industrial complex, Cartesian model of fracture and split. I feel passionate about both being a practitioner of energy medicines in addition to wanting to make serious and far reaching institutional change. I go back to his questions: What am I good at? What am I passionate about? What does my community need? What am I not so good at? Where does that leave me now? In circles, impatient because I am not really doing either at the moment. I am studying, yes. I am preparing. Good. But what are the next steps, I still don't know. And that leads me to feeling immobilized or encountering resistance. Maybe I should follow my own advice and write...not just my yaya inner stuff, but about the things that I have seen and the issues that I care about: healing, women, earth, and justice. Not uncommon in this neighborhood, but still...

So I will ease off the mate and step back, and be alert to the paths before me when they present themselves more clearly. In the meantime, I write about being impatient. No, maybe I'll try to study more and, well, relax into the flow. (Or at least try.)